ตัวอย่างการตรวจ English Proofreading & Editing (Sample#8)

Original

Edited

It was the impetus that led to the actual implementation to communicate awareness of the risks to children, parents, community leaders and people in the community persuaded them to join activities, determine types of activities, make appointment in order to do some activities as a group to make the management of risk substantial, and the results are obvious, and subsequent risk management takes place according to the guidelines.

The impetus of persuading the parents, community leaders and people in the community to join the activities led to the actual implementation to communicate awareness of the risks to children. Activities were determined and study groups were set up. The results are obvious and subsequent risk management now takes place according to the guidelines.

Because:

1. Change this long and unwieldy sentence into three shorter ones, cutting out the repetition
2. Reduction in word count by 21% with clarity of meaning